Dedication

In Loving Gratitude To Dad, Mom, Grandma and Great-Grandma.

INTRODUCTION

Regardless of where one lives, one's culture or background, holidays or holy days are very special. More than their religious origins, connotation or reference, holidays are times of reflection and celebration. Because they originate in man's need to socialize, express himself and to give homage to his place in the order of creation and the creator, they have existed throughout history and possibly prehistory.

Many of our current holidays have their origins in pre-Egyptian, Semite, Grecian or Roman civilization and pre-Christian religious celebrations. The religious beliefs may have changed, but the time and need to celebrate did not. One of the most direct adaptations was that of Halloween or All Hallows Eve whose origins lie in the pagan holiday to honor dead ancestors.

Realizing the origin of the holidays does not diminish their significance or desire to celebrate. It only gives freedom to the celebrant to choose, adopt and individualize the holiday and its traditions. It was this spirit that shaped my family's approach to the holidays. We knew that Valentine's Day was not the only celebration focused on love. All holidays were conceived as a means of expressing man's love and gratitude. At their heart, whether through formal religious observance or secular approaches, celebrants use holidays to show their love of their creator, love of their fellow man, love of their families, friends and life.

This book is a collection of our family's holidays and celebrations. Some address the origins of our traditions. Some detail individual holidays. Some demonstrate how holidays adapt and change. We welcome you to those celebrations. We hope that you will enjoy yourself. Please feel free to take from our celebrations what you will. We do not own love. Love is an emotion so complex that its expression is literally infinite in its possibilities. Should you find that you wish to adopt any of our approaches, you are welcome to do so. Imitation is, after all, the sincerest form of praise.

AS THE YEAR BEGINS,

SO YOUR YEAR SHALL BE

New Year's resolutions are too often made to be broken. New Year celebrations, too, are soon over. Many municipalities throughout the world spend millions planning art festivals and street celebrations for New Years Eve.

In our family, we stay home for New Years Eve. It is not that we do not like to socialize. We do. It is not that we do not appreciate the arts. We do. It is not that we ignore the holiday. We do not. In fact, we spend a great deal of time preparing for this holiday.

In our family, there is a superstition or tradition that says that as you enter the New Year so your year shall go. If you start the year happy, it portends a happy year. If you start the year unhappy or lonely, it portends an unhappy year ahead.

Even though this holiday comes but a week after Christmas, mother spent a great deal of time cleaning the house in preparation for the New Year. She was adamant that every bed had fresh linen and all rooms were vacuumed. Floors, curtains and drapes were all clean. She was not going to risk starting the year in a dirty house.

Mother enjoyed watching the New Year's celebration in New York on television. She never wanted to attend herself for she also eschewed travel on the holiday as too dangerous. She did not want to start the New Year at risk of accident and have to worry the rest of the year whether one of her family would be hurt while driving.

She would prepare a buffet or special supper for us all to enjoy. She encouraged us to all be together for the New Year for that would be an omen of a year of family togetherness. For our parents, family togetherness was the same as happiness. This was a good way to spend New Year's Eve.

Mother would also make her list of resolutions and invite her children to do the same. She would tell us that resolving to recognize one's weaknesses change or correct them and improve one's life were all positive ways to spend the New Year. She often wished that my brothers would resolve to do better in school, but that resolution never appeared on their lists. After supper on New Year's eve, she would send us to our rooms where we were instructed to meditate and construct our lists. She always reduced her list to writing and insisted that we do the same. She believed that by listing our resolutions on paper, we had a record of our intentions that would encourage us in our resolve. We would all later share our resolutions. Mother believed that the sharing would help each individual keep to the items on his or her list. AA might assign one or two monitors to a member to help them through a weak moment or relapse. In our family, each resolution maker was guaranteed to be monitored by at least seven siblings and no mentor ever watched a member as closely as one's siblings. Even our mother was not exempt. We monitored her list as well - and believe me, any infraction, slippage, weakness or failure was immediately known by EVERYONE in the house.

One might think that the threat of such "public" humiliation would lead to avoidance of significant or difficult resolutions. However, escapism was also not allowed. As each of us announced his or her resolutions to the rest of the family, other members of the family were free to comment or suggest items for addition to or amendment to his or her list. No cheating allowed. What one resolved had to be relevant, appropriate and significant. No pain, no gain.

This is not to say that our New Year's resolutions survived longer than those of anyone else's. There was no punishment (other than family humiliation) for breaking one's resolutions. Mother made it clear that resolutions were attempts at personal improvement. When an individual (including mother) broke his or her resolutions, he or she hurt herself and only reinforced the need for further improvement.

As we listened to music on New Year's Eve, mother would offer lessons. She and father were excellent ballroom dancers. Every year, they attended the local Policeman's Ball, the biggest annual social event in our community. All attendees would wait for our parents to dance the polka. Both were also sought after by other attendees, for each was a strong dancer in his or her own right. It never seemed to matter that mother wore the same gown year after year to the ball. No one cared. All the other attendees would talk about was how beautifully she and father danced the polka. That and the company of his fellow officers and their wives were all that mattered to our parents. We children would wait up for them to return home. They always returned home happy, laughing about humorous experiences of the evening and looking forward to the next year's ball. Neither of our parents drank alcohol.

Our father's lecture on alcohol and drugs was simply that life could be difficult. In fact, most, he advised, was very difficult indeed. However, there were also its glorious moments. He did not drink or do drugs, he said, because he never wished to have his senses diminished when those glorious moments occurred. No one could predict those moments. They could come at any time. We do not control their coming or going and if we are drunk or stoned when they appear, then we will miss them. My father was determined never to miss any of those moments. He did not drink.

Mother shared his views, but also believed that alcohol and drugs were signs of personal weakness. She was a psychiatric nurse. She had witnessed the effects of drugs and alcohol. She supported our father in discouraging their use. While our parents might purchase a bottle of wine for a party or might be given a gift bottle of wine or other beverage, no alcoholic beverages were otherwise served or kept in our house. Mother believed in home cures and homeopathy. Drugs were not an option.

That was true of our New Year's Eve celebrations as well. They were family and home centered. As the older siblings grew up, they went off with friends but were expected to be back so that the family might start the New Year together. We willingly complied for all understood and adopted the same superstition or hope that as we started the New Year so, too, might our year progress.